All That I've Got H/D

MAYJOR THANKS TO THE REVIEWERS FOR WORLD SO COLD!! Please enjoy the next part.

“All That I’ve Got”

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, et all does not belong to me. The song is by The Used! H/D
Words: 2,343

XXX

*So deep that I didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that I didn't even bleed And catch me I'll, I'll......
I need something else would someone
Please just give me, hit me,
Knock me out, and let me go back to sleep.
I can laugh all I want inside I still am empty,
So deep that I didn't even bleed And catch me I'll, I'll.....*

I change my clothing hurriedly, peeling off my expensive robe and my Hogwarts uniform and replacing them with my favourite pair of pyjamas. Blaise once told me they were childish but I don’t care, I love them. They’re forest green with little silver Snitches sewn all over them, and made of the finest wool, the type that didn’t itch. I run my hand over the sleeve of my right arm and smile.

A tapping on the door distracts me, being in the dungeons we have no windows. So I open the door and who should fly in but Harry Potters snowy white owl, Hedwig. I reach out to stroke her head softly, and she looks up at me, her eyes sad and I believe she’s crying. I take the letter off her leg and pet her once more, afraid to read the contents. She coos sadly again and flies to Archimedes cage to get herself a drink, my own owl doesn’t mind.



With shaking fingers I tear open the seal and unfold the tear stained parchment. I read the first line, “Dearest Draco, I haven’t got long left so I’m going to skip to the chase, I love you.” My heart soared, he loved me, he loved me! But then I read over the line, just to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me and I gasp. Startled I edge backwards towards my bed and sit on the corner of it, numb, cold, and terrified.

“I haven’t got long left,” I repeated the line and squeezed my eyes shut. I opened them and started reading again. “I love you,” I repeat that phrase over and over every time something Harry said hurt me. “It’s too hard… ‘I love you’, for too long Draco… ‘I love you’, I just can’t anymore... ‘I love you’.”

*I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got*

“Please don’t feel that anything, any of this, is your fault. I love you, near the end; you were what made my pointless existence worthwhile. You gave me something I thought I lost the ability to have, something I didn’t know I could feel.

“You made me love, and I will always love you.

“They don’t deserve to hear this from me, they abandoned me, and they left me. You… no matter how much you hated me, you never thought I did anything bad. I was always ‘perfect Potter’, ‘the Golden Boy’, I wish there was time for me to be ‘just Harry’ for you, or maybe even ‘your Harry’, but I guess I’ll never know. Whether you felt the same way, or whether you’re laughing your head off right now, showing this to all your Slytherin friends. To think I could have been one of those, but I turned it down for Weasly? I’m a Gryffindor and a fool, wouldn’t you say?

“Please give the accompanying note to Severus, there wasn’t time to send Hedwig with two notes. It goes without saying; I leave my best and truest friend in your care. Take care of her, or I’ll come back and haunt you.

“I love you more than life, Draco!
“Harry Potter.”

I fight back the tears, and without thinking twice I head to the door, and throw it open. I run as fast as my legs will carry me, in my childish Quiditch pyjamas to my godfather’s private quarters. I pound on the door, and he opens it with a sneer. A sneer that melts off his face as I hand him the letter addressed to him.

He breaks the seal, and invites me inside. I prefer to stand at the door and sensing my immediacy he reads as fast as he can, and fighting back his own tears, for whatever reason, he faces me.

*I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squeeze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me I'll, I'll.....

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got*

“I love him, Sev,” I whisper, my heart breaking at the pain reflected back at me in the usually so cold and unfeeling obsidian orbs. His hand clenches on the letter, crumpling it up in his fist before he realises what he’s done, and with alarming gentleness he uses both hands to flatten it out as much as possible before folding it neatly and placing it in his pocket. They way he treated the paper; I thought maybe my godfather loved Harry too, in his own way.

“Foolish boy, idiot boy,” he mutters as he storms by me. I follow, unheeding of his fast pace or his long strides, I run at times just to keep up. I shiver in my pyjamas as we leave the warmth and comfort of the castle. I wonder for a brief moment where Severus is leading me, and then I see him. Far away, in the distance, a thousand miles away it seems to me, standing by the lake. I try to scream at him to stop, but he moves on, my words swallowed by the spiteful wind that swirled around me and Sev. The wind eats my words, my warnings, my promises of love, chews them up and blows them back in my face with cold, chilling laughter that causes me to shiver again.

Severus doesn’t seem to be dealing any better, his eyes have widened, and his fist are still clenching. He doesn’t stop to shout, but moves forward faster than before and now I jog to keep up. We stop by the edge of the lake to see Harry stomping his foot down on the ice. A ‘snap’ echoes over the wind, which seems to have stopped to witness the death of the man, the only person, I love.

The fine sheet of ice begins to age, wrinkles in the form of cracks spread out across the beautiful ageless ice. I scream, or at least I think I screamed, for Harry to run. Run towards me and off the dangerous ground his was walking, the fine line between me, my arms, my love, and his death. The wind picks up again and I shiver relentlessly as it beats against my back, my chest, my everywhere, trying to drive me back inside. As if driven by Harry, himself, and his will, his not wanting me to see him like this.

*I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got...
It's all that I've got...
It's all that I've got...

Yeah, it’s all that I’ve got...
Yeah, it’s all that I’ve got...
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got*

He turns and notices us and the look on his face, I see shock and for a brief moment fear. And then, it’s gone, he’s blank again; like I remember him being for most of the school year, 6th year, he wasn’t staying to graduate. Tears run down my face unchecked now, as Harry raises his hand slowly and waves, his face flooded with emotion once again, but this time love. A love so overwhelming it scares me, the though of never experiencing that kind of passion, devotion and love again terrifies me. He whispers ‘I love you’ and I run for him.

I don’t care about the ice, or the cracks or the freezing cold water below. I run for him and Severus grabs me, I look to him and sob once. His eyes reflect my desire. To save Harry even at the cost of his own life, he wants Harry alive as much as I do, for his own reasons.

It’s too late, and no matter how my heart tries to deny it, my brain and voice of reason is screaming at me to look away, to spare myself the pain of your death, to save my tears until I bury you. Then the world can see how much I loved you, damn Voldemort and my father, damn the press and your so-called-friends. I LOVE YOU! I shout it back again, and I think you hear me, for a second I think you contemplated fighting the ice and coming back to me. Just for a second.

Before you could really consider it, the ice tips and you fall. Lying on your face, I see you look up at me one last time and smile, before directing one of your beautiful grins at Severus. I notice a tear slide down his cheek as your grip slips, and you slide down the vertical chunk of ice and into the deadly cold water below. The ice cap falls back, trapping you. I scream and I cry and I rage and beg you to come back to me. The wind makes no noise, no movement, as if mourning your passing along with me.

*So deep that I didn't even bleed And catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got*

As Severus takes me in his arms I cry and the wind howls with me. Flecks of snow are driven across the ground by the force of the grieving wind; slowly they begin to cover the frozen lake, as if hiding you from view. The snow keeps you safe, protects you and hides you and keeps you warm in the cold? Perhaps.

I hope you feel safe, and warm and loved, I hope you know I love you. I hate you because you’re leaving me without giving me a chance to show you how deep my love for you runs, but I love you. Even in death I love you, and I always will, no matter what happens in the fight with Voldemort, I’ll love you. Whether we win or lose, I’ll love you. Whether I die a traitor, I’ll love you, because that’s what I will be. I never wanted to follow a mad man Harry, believe me, but I was scared to stand up against him. But now, I have your love, and it gives me the strength to do whatever I want, to do whatever I think will make you happy. I feel as if I can take on any number of gods and win, against each one, just because you loved me.

Slowly, the wind changes direction, and the snow blows off the lake uncovering the sheet of ice, its cracks gone no trace of your fall visible. Yet we know it happened we know you’re still there, and with tears staining his cheeks, Severus points his wand and whispers, “Incendio.”

I step back and watch as the ice melt, adding more water to the lake. He wades in, uncaring of the cold or the fact that it may freeze over again soon, given the whether and Hogwarts magical properties. He reaches you, and pulls you close to him, as if to share his warmth with you. When he is completely out of water he collapses, his frame shakes as he places you down on the ground in front of him; his hands cover his face as he continues to shake.

*I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got*

I resist the urge to gag, you are too thin, but it never made you look sickly, your beautifully toned golden skin made you look healthy and edible, now, your skin tinted blue, they greyness of death setting in now that you were out of the chilled water, you look… dead. Cold and dead, and gone from me, somewhere I can never reach you again. I look to the sky and I comfort myself with the knowledge that, maybe, you’re up there right now watching over me. Severus and I, and you’ll be there to help us deal.

The wind picks up again, gently, lovingly it wraps around me first and then Severus, who raises his head and bares his face to meet it. Like an invisible hand it caresses our faces and I whisper your name as the wind dies once more. Sev picks you up and carries you, carefully like the most priceless of bundles, inside the school. Students have gathered, the 6th year Gryffindor’s alerting the teachers of your disappearance, and in the process waking half the school.

He cradles you like a child to his chest, hiding your face from view as he storms passed the crowd, many in tears and many rather amused albeit confused as well. I sneer that those last few and follow my godfather, surprisingly to his own private quarters. As I follow, I pull your letter out of my breast pocket where I shoved it without realising. I re-read it, as Severus settles you onto his bed, I read it and I cry some more tears for you.

You’ve left, but you’re still here, and that comforts me. I have Hedwig and your love, I have your letter and you memories and that’s all that I need. It will have to be I guess…

…Because it’s all that I’ve got.

The End



REVIEW ME!

... and think of a song i can use for Severus... i gather you're able to guess his POV from this and the one before?